perspective

it's been an interesting, kind of amazing day. the feeling is intangible and difficult to describe but something has changed. I noticed the other night while on the phone with younger friend of mine with whom I have a sometimes sibling-like, sometimes teacher/student like relationship. He's adorable and talented and i love him and sometimes he creates the occasion for me to feel crazy. My jaw has physically dropped at some of the things that have come from his mouth. I took a long time away from him because I had no energy not to fight with him, and it wasn't fair to him. We are spending more time together again and I am noticing how much I have changed since before my time away. I was listening to my 30ish year old friend talk about his relationship with his family, and listening to this tone of entitlement in his voice, to which of course he is entitled... this is merely my experience I am talking about... and I was thinking how simultaneously cute and bratty he sounded, and I was laughing to myself because as I listened, I was hearing ME talk the way I can so many times when I am not conscious of all I have to be grateful for; when I speak from that woe-is-me place. And I realized that it was behavior that should not be indulged for any great length of time in anyone over the age of five. And so I let him talk to me that first night, and then he called back the next and basically I got the same story... and I had to let him know that I just don't have it in me, and that I will only support his growth. And this is precisely the kind of healthful, boundaried love I have been receiving lately, and I know I must have really received it and recognized it because I was able to consciously turn around and give it to someone else. It's amazing what a little healthy perspective can do.