namaste

I'm just exhausted! I hope I'm not getting sick. Nah, I don't think so. I've been working really hard at work... really trying to be mindful of every word that comes out of my mouth; of every microexpression on my face; of any way I could offend. i come off as so brusque sometimes, and i don't like it. i don't like the idea that something i say might create the occasion for a fellow human to feel pain. i can't be perfect, there are certainly appropriate times to be guarded, but if i am trying to help create a welcoming and non-judgemental environment, how can i do that if i'm not paying attention to the feelings of others? and so i am really tired, and i can see how i've forgotten myself lately, because i get so caught up in my life and imagined dramas sometimes i just forget. this is not an acceptable excuse for me at this stage of my growth. i am simply not ok with it. at least i know i earned the tiredness, and now the relaxation that is helping to soothe it.