first, you just have to watch this... but maybe turn down the volume on your computer...?
So I'm watching this, and loving every second, thinking things like, "Now this is funny!!! How can people get so crazy about bland, one dimensional Kristen Wiig? Gilda had it all!!!"
and I feel so old with thoughts like that, and then I think about my speculation of needing a context, and I realize I have one, but it's kind of unfair to compare anything today to what was thirty years ago. Times have changed so much! The culture is so incredibly different than it was then.
Just because I have spent so much time and energy resisting change of this kind, stalwartly refusing to adapt in so many ways, does not mean that I am untouched by it. and I wonder where my mental flexibility is in cases like this one... why I'm so forward thinking in so many arenas, but I cling steadfastly to an ill-fitting culture of what it used to be.
I feel no need or desire to cling to youth, that's not it, or I would be completely into what is happening now. I wonder what it is...? I wonder why I have idolized so much of the past? Why I would rail against the Lady GaGa phenomenon, for instance, or remain in denial about any of it? What kind of a choice is that to make?
I'm starting to see this as an opportunity to reexamine my self-image; it's perfect, as so much of my identity has been inadvertently but irrevocably wrapped up in school, where a flexible mind is a beautiful thing. I think that it's possible my beliefs have taken on a fear infested hardness, a solidity that the intangibility of notions was never meant to attain.
I think I might be afraid because it is time to start building again, and I haven't taken a proper inventory of my materials. and now to have realized this, to have found the voice of this exercise in narcissistic introspection, it feels like an embarkation into a tributary of my self-education.
I feel like both Susan Orlean AND her orchid thief... I get to look through both sides of the lens that is the meta-fiction of life, and stare into my own eyes. What an opportunity!
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