and here is a list poem I wrote, also several years ago

Depression can be fun

sweating

swelling

smelling

rotten

bits

dish-stuck

food

buzzing

flying

skittering

exoskeleton

dust-busted

kitchen

safari

fucking

fruit

flies

sheets

stains

dust

floor

random

piles

unmoving

crying

thumb

sucking

rocking

hugging

wailing

singing

writing

eating

dwelling

buzzing

smoking

actually

getting

out

of

bed

shower

later

back

is

hurting

so

what

else

is

new

mess

mess

mess

mess

mess

what

will
set

it

off

next

time

?

poetry

this is one I wrote several years ago; it is my one and only prose poem and I love it. it's called BABY.

Baby

There was a baby who went into labor; her breaths
came hot and sharp. Her mother stood by to coach her
and replace the pacifier whenever it fell out. The
baby's belly wriggled and moved. Her mother stood by
to breast feed her whenever she was hungry. The baby
cried and moaned in pain. Her mother stood by and
said, "I can see the head!" The baby pushed with all
her might and labored well into the night. Her
mother stood by to help deliver and as the baby bled
a river, out came the adult she would become. The
baby passed out from the agony. Her mother put her
back into her crib to let her nap it off and then
cleaned up the mess. The adult showered, dressed, and left for work.

I'll share more of my poetry as I find it in various folders on my laptop. Hope you enjoyed this one!

I feel so tired lately

I've been getting super sleepy at around 6 or 7 pm, and note often than not, I indulge my desire to turn in while it's still light outside. And of course, that's the reason I wake at 11 pm, alert and no longer sleepy. Naps are great, and all, but they should happen during the day, not right before going to sleep for the night.

In this post, I have no particular gems of wisdom to share with you. This post is my way of saying goodnight. Sweet dreams all!

the upside of growing pains...

there is a definite comfort that sinks in when the pains finally end. a knowing that all of the pain was for something, that it is all for learning purposes, and that i now have new tools with which to work in the world. it's like wearing favorite jeans, or a soft old sweater that makes everything feel better. it's like crawling into bed after a really good but really long day, and that wonderful release of tension as relaxation takes hold.

the best part is that i get to be reminded that i am human, and that part of my experience as a human includes this feeling, and not only the drama i had grown accustomed to creating for myself. i am far from perfect. i don't want to be perfect. but i love the feeling of really appreciating myself, and acknowledging for myself how far i have come and just what i am made of.

Nationalism, Religion and the Constitution

I'm not much for most holidays... I stayed at a hotel the night of the 4th so I could get a decent night's sleep without hearing all of the fireworks right outside my window.

I was at a physical therapy appointment the other day and was asked what my holiday plans were. I said that I thought I might just go to a movie because I don't really dig holidays. Immediately I was bombarded with a guilt trip about how I should be grateful for the 4th of July and all the people who have fought and died for me, and I felt like this person was trying to convert me to Christianity, telling me how Jesus died for my sins and all of that.

I am about as into nationalism as I am into religion. I can certainly respect both, and if your feeling of connection to a Supreme Being works for you and makes you happy and gives you something to live for, who am I to tell you that you are wrong? Same goes for nationalism. I may not stand and sing the Star Spangled Banner at a sporting event or something, but I sure am grateful that as an American, I have the right to sit quietly through it if I so choose.

I'd rather be proud of my country for the good it does, and not for the wars it has fought. I have nothing but gratitude and respect for the folks who are out there, risking their lives, so I am definitely not embattled against veterans. I dig our constitution, and I dig that even people I do not agree with at all have the right to do what they do, be who they are, as long as they do not impose any of it on me. and I will not impose my beliefs on you, either, so if you are offended by what I write here, I invite you to find something to read that works for you, and please, enjoy it.

While I still have the right to believe as I do, I will. and I hope you will believe as you do, too.

Is your boss the religious type? Is your boss trying to push his/her religion on to you? Fear not! Birth control is now within reach...

The perfect ridiculous response to a ridiculous verdict:

I cannot believe this shit is necessary. 

It's been a few years since I've been here. A close friend encouraged me to take up blogging again, if indeed what I do counts as blogging. I must admit, it is good to exercise my mental writing muscles again.

I won't bore you with a recap of my life since last I smote the page with my ideas. I'm in a better place now, though. Wait, that makes it sound like I'm dead. I'm not, thank goodness. I am feeling better in many ways, though. I'd love to be able to smoothly write from a place of power rather than pain all the time. Why is it that emotional turmoil can be so nutritious to the writing process? I guess I could reread O'Neill for answers to that one.

Anyhoo, I'm back, possibly daily, probably not. I'll write when the mood strikes and see if I can coerce that mood often. Meanwhile, thanks for following, or reading, or commenting. See you again soon!